the man behind the machine
by yugihfan2002
Summary: No, this isn't about data, this is a short little ficlet about Captain Jean Luc Picards feelings during the best of both worlds parts one and two, written in Picards point of view.
1. Default Chapter

The man behind the machine  
  
It's been hard for me, returning to active duty. Ever since my encounter with the Borg, my experiences, and even my outlook on life have changed. Now, even though I have the prestigious position of history teacher at the academy, I cannot help but remember the times that I walked the bridge of the enterprise, and there is not a day when I don't remember almost destroying her. Every student in my class asks, wanting to know what it was like, being a Borg.  
  
Seven of Nine, a Borg from the Delta Quadrant, recently returned to humanity by Captain Janeway, oh excuse me, Admiral Janeway, would know how I feel, how some nights as I stare out at the stars, I can still hear the voice of the Borg queen. How I miss the thoughts of others in my head, how unorganized, and scattered the rest of the human race appears to me now. Every time we pass in the halls, I see a look of recognition in her eyes, and something more, that she shares the little tug at the back of my mind that says I shouldn't be here, that I should go back to where I truly belong, with the Borg.  
  
So, as ordered by Councilor Troi, I have decided to write this, my journal, an account of everything that happened during that time that is referred to now as one of earth's most difficult battles, from my point of view.  
  
So, where to start? Ah yes, I remember now, the first thing that happened was our discovery of the Borg cube. I wish now that I had ordered every measure necessary to destroy the evil thing, but I was curious, just as they were, and for my hesitation, my ship was attacked and I was taken. I fought as hard as I could, but I am an old man, and my strength failed me as that evil Borg stuck that thing in my neck. That is when I first felt him, Locutus. He was me, and yet not. I could still feel the things I had always felt, but they felt distant, unattached. They forced me to change out of my uniform, and I felt myself complying, Locutus was starting to take over, and all that was starting to be important was Borg, and how I could best serve my Mistress. Oh, how I wanted to scream at the doctor, when she had appeared on the Borg ship," Help me! I'm right here, you can still save me! Please help me!" But Locutus is in control; I say nothing, merely staring at her with a look akin to the evil ones that my new 'brothers' wear. She is devastated; I know it, as I would be if the situation were reversed. I try to help, try to fight, but I can only stare as my friends order the very attack plan I approved, on me. The Borg are ready though, they have read my thoughts and adapted their shields, so we are not harmed, but the enterprise, she is dead in the water. The Borg queen wants to harvest her for her crew and technology, but I manage to convince her that something else she wants is more important. I watch helplessly as they extract the information from my mind on how to get to my home, I want to cry out, "No, not Earth! I'll do anything, just don't harm them!" But we simply continue on, destroying the pathetic defenses that come from the planets colonized near earth. I watch as we destroy the great fleet that I love, and want to cry, I want to pound my fists into the floor, when I see it, the enterprise, and she's back. "No, stay away! Go away!" I want to say, "You need to stay away, find somewhere in the galaxy to start over, and I'm not worth the risk of your lives!", but again I say nothing, only watching as the enterprise splits. I see the shuttle, but for once I fight Locutus, to make him concentrate on the ships, and not the shuttle. I am ecstatic as I am taken away, and find myself awakening in sickbay. But Locutus has taken over again, and as I look at my friends, my colleagues, all I can say is how they will be better if they simply surrender, and that the loss of one Borg is no loss at all to the Borg queen. Then, I am given a hypo-spray, and when I awake, Data is starting to try to make a connection with the machine part of me, he's not going to get anywhere that way, I establish my own connection, trying to help, trying to show him how easy it can be to defeat the Borg. He tries to shut down propulsion, then weapons.  
  
"No, not that way! You'll never get anywhere trying that!" I want to say, then I force Locutus to give me control once again, and I am able to plant my suggestion, "Sleep Data, Sleep."  
  
"That was Captain Picard speaking, not Locutus." Councilor Troi says  
  
"Hurray, I've done it! They understand!" I thought  
  
"He's exhausted. Poor man." Doctor Crusher says  
  
"No, you idiot! That's not what I meant!" I thought angrily, and apparently Data understands because he says, "I don't think his statement was to express fatigue, but to suggest a course of action."  
  
"Yes!" I feel like shouting when I feel the Borg going to their regeneration cycle, then oh, the agony, the pain of being ripped from the Borg mind hits me, and I wonder if I have made a grievous error. A short while later, I am being congratulated, being presented an award for heroism, as well as the rest of my crew, but as I stare out the window of the repaired enterprise, back in my ready-room I can't help hearing it.  
  
"What have you done Locutus? We could have had it all, you could have been great with me, I would have made sure that you would never lack for anything, but now, you are alone, you are one individual again. And what has it done for you? You've never felt like you belong with them, and you know you don't even now. Come back to me Locutus, and I will forgive your indiscretions."  
  
"No, that part of me is dead now! Leave me alone!" I scream in my head, but she doesn't leave me be, and every time I go into battle, every time that I face my fellow officers, every time I stare out the window I hear her calling. The urge to listen gets stronger every day, but as I look at my wife and son, yes I got married and had children, just as I always wanted, I feel a peace flow over me and the voice is silent. That's about it, that's all I can tell you about the man that was within the machine.  
  
Jean Luc Picard  
  
End chapter  
  
That was interesting, but short. But, all I was trying to do was show how Picard felt when he was taken by the Borg, and then taken from them, and this was all that I felt was needed to accomplish that. I hope you liked it because this is the first and probably last Star Trek fic I will ever write. Reviews are much appreciated. 


	2. Another point of view

It's all over, it's all done, the human race has prevailed, just as I had predicted, but as I look into his eyes, and see the pain that he shows to no one else, I know that it will never truly be over for Jean Luc Picard. He will constantly have to fight, constantly have to ignore the pull that the Borg has over him. Oh, I suppose you're wondering about now who I am, and just what makes me so qualified to assess Picard's heart and mind. I am Guinan, nothing more, and nothing less.  
  
When we first met, I was uncertain what to make of him, he reminded me a little of what a combination of Kirk and Spock would have produced, so disciplined, and yet so fiery when he is needed. Yep, that one definitely caught my attention when he was within the nexus and was able to resist its promises of the perfect life, and I envied him, knowing that I hadn't and would never be able to.  
  
I knew that day, when he came to me, talking of doomed battles, that he didn't truly believe that he was coming back from this mission, but I know better, he has a fighters spirit, just like our people. If he is captured, I'm damn sure that he'll fight every step of the way, Borg connection or not. I have to admit however, that when his face appeared upon the screen as Locutus, I was mad at him. How dare he! How dare he talk to us about enslavement when he knows perfectly well that none of us will go along with it? But then, as I watch, I can feel through the special connection that we share, that he is regretting every word, and that he wishes that it would just be over. So, like everyone else, I watch as his friends attack him head on, knowing that they may kill him, and I cry, thinking for one moment that I may never see him again. Then I see that the attack plan he approved before leaving has not worked, and I feel despair make its way through me, I would hate to see any more of my friends captured. But the Borg cube leaves us to our fate, and we know in that minute that it will not stop with us; in fact it will not stop until it has reached earth.  
  
To everyone's surprise, when Picard is recaptured, he hands us the way to defeat the Borg, and I smile as I watch the Borg cube explode into a thousand pieces. When I go to see him later, I see he has changed a lot from what I remember, and I know as I watch him staring out the window that he will never be the same.  
  
End chapter  
  
I thought it would be interesting to do Guinan's point of view, after all, she is one of the only people that has seen another side to him. Sorry it's so short again, but after all Guinan is very mysterious, so I can't go into much detail without seeming like I'm way off. 


End file.
